Yet More GI Joe Public Service Announcements

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In 1970, the FCC enacted regulations requiring children’s programming to have educational content, either woven into the storylines of the episodes, or as a public service announcement tacked on to the end.

The GI Joe series (1983-1986) made use of Public Service Announcements following a specific format in which members of the Joe Team (And less frequently, Cobras) would give safety advice to kids who were about to do unsafe, unwise, unfair, unhealthy, or otherwise stupid things. These would always end with the kid or kids saying “Now I know,” and the Joe character saying “And knowing is half the battle!” This was immediately followed by male vocals singing “Geeee Eye Joeeeee” and then fade to black.

Here’s an example:

Following the cancellation of the show, it went into syndication and the PSAs were stripped out to make more room for commercials. Most of them have been unseen since the mid-1980s, some were only used infrequently, and a few only aired one time.

The following is a transcript of one of the more obscure GI Joe Public Service Announcements. It first aired along with the episode “Battle On The Roof Of The World” (Season 1, episode 4) on September 13th, 1984

[Two young girls in a bedroom playing dress-up]
GIRL #1: “Wheee!”
GIRL #2: “Let’s spend all our money on clothes and makeup so boys will like us!”
COVERGIRL: “People should like you for what you are, not what you wear.”
GIRLS [In Unison]: “Scarlet!”
COVERGIRL: “No, I’m Covergirl.”
GIRL #1: “Who?”
COVERGIRL: “I’m Covergirl. I’m the Joe’s tank driver.”
GIRL #2: “You’re kidding, right?”
COVERGIRL: “No, it’s a whole new world. Girls can do things now, like play sports or have careers, or drive tanks into combat and kill people and stuff. It’s cool.”
GIRL #1: “No, I mean you're joking about calling yourself 'Covergirl,' right? That's the single stupidest code name I've ever heard!"
Girl # 2: "You do look a lot like Scarlet…”
COVERGIRL: “Yeah, I know… Look, can we…”
GIRL #2: “Do you think that’s why they don’t use you more in the show? Because you look confusingly line one of the stars?”
COVERGIRL: “Yes… wait, what? No! I dunno…”
GIRL #1: “Nah, I think they don’t use her much because she’s frumpy.”
COVERGIRL: “I am *not* frumpy!”
GIRL #2: “Dowdy, then.”
COVERGIRL: “Look, it’s not important what you look like, it’s what’s inside that counts. That’s why you don’t need to blow all your money just to make guys like you…”
GIRL #1: “But guys *will* like us if we do, right? I mean, it’s not like being pretty would drive ’em off…”
COVERGIRL: “Well, no, but…”
GIRL #2: “And statistically speaking, girls who can accentuate their appearance with fashion sense are more popular, and tend to get more guys. I mean, let’s be honest: Suzie here is a little fatty, she needs all the help she can get.”
GIRL #1: “Hey!”
COVERGIRL: “It’s true, you could stand to lose a few pounds. You’re not gonna’ be eight forever, you know…”
GIRL #1: “I know. How’s you get the code name ’Covergirl’ anyway?”
COVERGIRL: [Mumbling] “Isuedtobeasupermodel.”
GIRL #2: “What?”
COVERGIRL: “I used to be asupermodel.”
GIRL #1: “Huh?”
COVERGIRL: “I used to be a…” [Sighs] “super model.”
GIRL #2: [Laughs uncontrollably]
GIRL #1: “I recognize you now! You’re that skank my brother has posters of up on the walls of his room! He’s overcompensating so we won’t think he’s gay, but we all think he’s gay anyway.”
GIRL #2: “So lemme get this right: you’re driving a tank now and dressing dowdy, but you used to make skillions of dollars based entirely on how you look, and you’ve got the tomfoolery to stand there…”
GIRL #2: “’Temerity,’ not ’Tomfoolery’”
GIRL #1: “You’ve got the temerity to stand there, and tell us not to worry about our appearances? I mean, you’re the one who *causes* little girls to feel badly about themselves.”
COVERGIRL: “Well, I don’t do that anymore. That’s why I dress frumpy… I mean, that’s why I dress it down a bit.”
GIRL #2: “And that’s why they don’t use you more on the show.”
COVERGIRL: “I don’t think that’s the reason they don’t feature me more, I think it’s…”
GIRL #1: “What else could it be? The Baroness dresses like a dominatrix, and she’s in every episode, and she’s a bad guy, even.”
GIRL #2: “You know, she may actually *be* a dominatrix. I mean, how would we know? We really don’t know what her job is, and she’s always hanging around with guys wearing metal masks…”
GIRL #1: “I gotta admit she’s pretty hot…”
COVERGIRL: “Can we stop speculating about the creepy Russian chick’s sex life, and get back to the whole ’self image’ thing?”
GIRL #1: “Ok.”
GIRL #2: “You know, though, right? About what the Baroness’ job is with Cobra?”
COVERGIRL: “Of course I do. She likes to - gah! Stop interrupting me, you fat little monsters!”
GIRL #1: “Hey!”
GIRL #2: “Hey! I’m not fat!”
COVERGIRL: “Sorry, no, you’re a cutie. But you’re still interrupting me too much, and so is your fat little friend!”
GIRL #1: “Hey!”
COVERGIRL: “Oh, suck it up, Suzie. When I came into your room - like ten minutes ago - unannounced and carrying a gun, it was to tell you that you should be comfortable with who you are and not blow all your money on clothes and makeup.”
GIRL #2: “So pretty clothes are bad?”
COVERGIRL: “No, no, they’re not bad in and of themselves…”
GIRL #1: “So what’s the freakin’ problem, then? Screw it, I‘m gonna go watch Gem and the Holograms.”
COVERGIRL: “But you shouldn’t buy clothes and stuff to make others like you, you should just buy things because you like them.”
GIRL # 2: “And if *I* happen to like clothes that coincidentally happen to make me look pretty so other people will like me…”
COVERGIRL: “Yeah, I guess that’s ok. I dunno. It seemed so black-and-white before I came in here…”
GIRL #2: “I feel like I’m getting a real mixed message here…”
COVERGIRL: “And knowing is half the battle!”
[Cue Music]: “Geeee Eyeeee Joeeee!”
[Fade to black]