REMEDIAL SF 101: Zombies

Zombies.
 
They're everywhere.  Why?
 
We have a great and deep-seated fear of death, so what's more fightening to us than the undead?  We started burying our dead to keep the rotting corpses from stinking up the place, but on a more psychological level, we've always been afraid of vengeful spirits returning from the dead.  So we take really good care of our dead, lock 'em in a heavy-duty coffin and bury them six feet down in a cement vault.  As much as we may have loved the departed, once they're gone, we really, really don't want them coming back.
 
Zombies, mummies, resurrected corpses, vampires--all the same thing, really, and each have had their turn at scaring ther bejeezus out of filmgoers.  Vampires are kind of cool, the nobility of the undead; mummies are out to get back at whoever defiled their tombs.  But the resurrected corpses, now--those are kind of like that meal that won't sit right, and keeps you up all night.  Lots of moaning and groaning, funny odors, and shambling around in the dark.  Nothing you do will make it go away, so you end up praying for daylight to arrive and hoping you'll be alive to see it.
 
So why would anybody *like* zombies?  I mean, have you ever been around a decaying body?  Take my word for it, it's not pleasant!  And seriously, how on earth can zombies sneak up on anybody?  Jeez Louise, a little dead mouse can make you leave the premises for the weekend, so a decaying carcass the size of a human should be pretty noticeable for blocks around, you know?
 
Like all manner of useless speculations that strike me from out of the blue, I've given the matter some thought, and here are four possible theories as to the popularity of zombie movies (Which is probably waning as I write this):
 
 
 
1) Zombies as a sense of insulation and separation from society. The idea is that in our increasingly dehumanized, impersonal, mass-produced society, people feel increasingly alone, and lost in the crowd. This makes the crowd seem threatening to us, psychologically, as we're all somewhat self-obsessed - "The star of our own story" - and hence zombie movies' popularity is because 'the crowd' is literally trying to eat you, which is about as 'lost in a crowd' as you can possibly get. Basically: society will swallow your soul, and so will zombies.
 
 
 
2) Zombies are a substitution for various other forms of apocalypse that are no longer in fashion. Remember in the early '80s when Nuclear War was cool? Well, not the war so much as the postapocalyptic wasteland. Society in the real world is confusing, frustrating, stressful, mind-numbing and boring. A good cinematic postapocalypse reduces society to a manageable, non-intimidating level: some guys, some cars, some chicks, some mohawks, and lots of gunplay and gore.  It's very nearly a Western, and honestly that's pretty appealing when you've got a math test at 8AM on Monday, and haven't studied at all. Think I'm wrong? Go watch Red Dawn. It's a much better movie than you remember.
 
 
Alas, the likelihood of Nuclear War is small, as is the threat of a Soviet take-over of Western society (Quitters!)  Y2K didn't pan out, The Singularity is taking its own sweet time to get here, this whole 'environmental' thing really should be sinking cities by now, and NASA has conclusively proved that neither an invasion, nor anything even remotely interesting, is ever gonna come from Mars. In the words of Tom Robins, 'The world was falling apart too fast for comfort, but not fast enough to really be any fun.'  So in the ansence of any credible apocalypse to give us freedom by trimming the shrubberies of civilization and make us free to be you and me, 'Zombie Apocalypse' is the one we choose.
 
3) Zombies are socially acceptable victims for shooting and dismemberment.  You can't really kill the undead, so you can slice through as many zombies as you want without taint of murder.  Hell, you're SAVING THE HUMAN RACE, aren't you?  In a world where people feel increasingly alienated and frustrated by their fellowmen, threatened and pushed around by an incomprehensible bureaucracy, as H. L. Mencken observed, "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."  Which may also explain the popularity of pirates these days...
 
 
 
4) It's just a stupid fad and don't read too much