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ORIGINAL FICTION: "Mechanical Bird of Prey, Sing for your Emperor (Conclusion)" by Republibot 3.0 (2012)

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Back at the beach, the doctor was explaining how it appeared some kind of organism had forced itself in through the noses of the victims when the Plucky Badass Girl shot him. It happened faster than anyone could quite comprehend, and without provocation. Everyone stared puzzled at the doctor, who, himself looked just as puzzled, staring at the wound that had appeared in his chest as if by magic. Then, while he keeled over, Plucky Badass Girl shot the Security Chief. Everyone remaining panicked and ran as the Doctor flopped around on the ground, screaming. Plucky Badass Girl picked up the trumpet case clumsily with one hand, and continued to shoot, somewhat more randomly now. She cocked her head, listening. Distracted, she grew closer and closer as the man expired, closer, tuning out all that went on around her apart from his distress, her face nearer to his, intimate, more intimate by the moment, mouths close, open…

The Pretty Young Girl clobbered the Plucky Badass Girl with a rifle, swinging it like a baseball bat. She screamed profanities - surprisingly funny ones under the circumstances - and continued to bludgeon the now-ex marine viciously for several minute, stopping only when her victim’s head fell off.

Back on the ship, The Navigatrix went white at the news of how quickly the situation on the ground was deteriorating. She ordered the Pretty Young Girl to have the newest corpse bagged and taken to the shuttle immediately. Whatever parasite that could have done this was undoubtedly still in the body. Pretty Young Girl dickered with her superior by wireless. It was a bad plan, she thought, for a variety of reasons. The Engineer was tending to the Security Chief, who had a bullet lodged in his left bicep. He was in an enormous amount of pain, and his arm had curled into a useless chicken wing, but otherwise he was functional. She pulled three space suits out of the un-drowned shuttle, and ordered her two remaining men to put them on before they started monkeying around with Plucky Badass Girl’s body.

Back in the unnamed, unmanned city, the snakes were filling the Meat Factory. They piled in atop each other, forming a living carpet a foot deep, then two feet, then three. It was some time before Trumpeter really understood what was going on. Too scared to move, he couldn’t really bring himself to look down through the grated floor, and when he did, he saw silent, dead-eyed yet strangely inquisitive faces of two of his shipmates looking up at him from a rising tide of serpents. He wished he hadn’t looked. He wished it had simply taken him, killed him without knowing. He jerked to his feet, and looked down again just in time to see the wall of writhing horror sweep over their faces like they were sinking slowly in water. Higher they came, another inch, another foot. They were hissing and coiling and striking high enough to hit the grating itself. Trumpeter clambered up on the metal handrail as they swept over the catwalk. He balance-beamed his way to a pipe that led to the ceiling as the things grew close enough snap at his boots. So close now. He wondered how deep they must be piled now. Twelve feet? Fifteen? No! No, no no! Don’t think like that. Don’t think at all, Trumpeter, just climb!

And so he did, achingly upwards, never noticing how dim the light through the transom windows had gotten. He’d almost made it out when he looked out the window and saw that a mountain of the things had completely covered the outside of the building. He nodded in resignation, and then just hung there for a moment, until their pressure shattered the windows, and they began tumbling in as great, writhing cataracts of horror. His bowels, bladder, and stomach all gave way at once as the ophidian wave broke over him.

The Pretty Young Girl and her two remaining men decided to abandon all their crap at the beach and make their way to their original landing site. They didn’t actually have anything to carry bodies in, so they’d stuffed the bulk of Plucky Badass Girl’s corpse in another space suit, and sealed the neck up airtight with a leak-patch kit. They actually found a container the size of a hatbox, but it wasn’t airtight, and it seemed somehow more appropriate to keep the severed head in a helmet, so they did. They

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Republibot 3.0
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Next week is a strange one, too

Thanks! Next week is a strange, sad, short, existential one.

I'm really greatly relieved by the positive feedback I got for this one. It was outside my comfort range enough that I felt really selfconscious about it. Now, I'm less selfconscious about the story itself, and more selfconscious about whining at everyone to give me feedback.

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

neorandomizer
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In the zone

R3 you hit 9 on my weird-o-meter only because I have never seen a 10. (Not counting my first wife.)

I wish my stories got this much feedback.

Republibot 3.0
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a number of reasons

Firstly, you've got to understand that the 'Danes don't really understand stuff. They think that Superheroes and Spaceships and whatnot are all kid stuff, so when they find themselves *liking* something in those genres, they have to come up with some incredibly laborious justification for why the thing *they* like is different than the identical things everyone else likes. Or, if they like the same movie everyone else likes then they have to claim that nobody really *gets* it like they do.

Thus the Burton Batman had critics saying things like "A narative that echoes Wagnerian opera" in their reviews with a straight face 'cuz they couldn't just say "I liked the part where the one guy punched the other guy." And *THAT* was a bad movie. It gets a little bit better as these things become more mainstream, there wasn't as much horsecrap surrounding X-Men as there was Batman, and there wasn't as much horsecrap surrounding Iron Man as there was X-Men. It's still there, though.

So that's factor one. Factor two is that by and large the 'Danes have never heard of The Green Hornet. He's obscure. The movie came and went quickly. Good, bad, or indifferent, nobody noticed. 'Danes don't go see movies fans like, they go see movies they've heard of. Thus you could make "Star Wars Meets Star Trek Meets Predator" and it'd be huge, but "Green Lantern" bombed. No normal people have ever heard of the GLs. We've got Ridley Scott directing "Prometheus," and even *you're* not all that interested. And you're not a dane.

Factor three is casting. You've got a bunch of unknowns and a comedy guy. A lot of people don't really *like* him, so when faced with movie about a superhero (Which grownups on the whole eschew) that they've never heard of, starring an actor they kinda' don't like, they tend to stay home instead.

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

Republibot 2.0
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Two Words

Seth Rogan.
Whether it is justified or not, and regardless of his acting chops, right now Rogan does not have the cred necessary to make an audience believe that he is not doing Yet Another Farce. The reaction would've been the same had Jack Black played (a) Green Lantern. Even if it had the same script as the Ryan Reynolds movie, it would've been a full-blown bomb as opposed to the moderate success that it turned out being.

It took "Dead Poet's Society" before Robin Williams was able to do serious roles. Will Ferrell is still unable to get out of Farce Mode- his most notable attempt to break free: "Stranger than Fiction" was very good, but it was still a bit light to give Ferrell the acting cred he'd need if he ever wanted to play Hawkman as a straight Superhero genre film.

You almost have to go full on "Merchant-Ivory" for a film or two to be able to open up the whole range of roles if you are a comic actor.

SheldonCooper
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Flawed Logic

>>I think because it's wish fulfillment. Everyone knows they can't be Superman or Batman or Spiderman, but everyone suspects they could be Tony Stark if they had the right suit. Thus they're likely to overlook the films flaws (The first one had a bundle) because it was jaunty and fun and allowed them to easily daydream about themselves zwooshing around blowing stuff up.<<

That's a nice theory, but if that were the case, wouldn't it be all the more likely that people would have given Green Hornet a pass for that reason? You're more likely to be Britt Reid than Tony Stark, right? You don't even need a suit for Britt, just a hat. So the question circles back, why all the Green Hornet hate? I liked GH, and to be honest, it is very close to Iron Man in format, which everyone loves. Why?

One lab accident away from being a supervillain! Bazinga!

Republibot 3.0
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Wish Fulfilment

>>I find it curious that no one has accused Iron Man (which also has a great deal of humor) as also being a parody.<<

I think because it's wish fulfillment. Everyone knows they can't be Superman or Batman or Spiderman, but everyone suspects they could be Tony Stark if they had the right suit. Thus they're likely to overlook the films flaws (The first one had a bundle) because it was jaunty and fun and allowed them to easily daydream about themselves zwooshing around blowing stuff up.

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

SheldonCooper
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Sounds Familiar

>>But, in my usual tastes, just about anything really needs humor to get me to like it.<<

That sounds just like my uncle. I appreciate humor as much as anyone, but for some reason if it doesn't have a little bit of humor, it's just drama and useless in the real world. For example, he hates Quantum Leap. He says it belongs on WE and that it isn't real sci-fi, but drama disguised as sci-fi. I think Quantum Leap is classic. Something doesn't HAVE to have a sense of humor to be enjoyable, just like something that has a great deal of humor isn't necessarily a comedy. I hate it when people say the Seth Rogen Green Hornet movie was a parody of the Green Hornet, not a true adaptation. That's nonsense. The Green Hornet had a great deal of humor, but it was also a straight adaptation as good as anything else. I find it curious that no one has accused Iron Man (which also has a great deal of humor) as also being a parody.

One lab accident away from being a supervillain! Bazinga!

Republibot 3.0
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Ray Bradbury

It's actually called "The City" by Ray Bradbury. It's in "The Illustrated Man." Early 50s, I think. I didn't have that in mind when I wrote this, but I can actually see some crossover now that you point it out.

This is only the second story on the site that came to me in a dream. Well, elements of it did anyway. The ending. The feel. The location. The alligator. The wiping the left lens, the little nod resigning to his fate as he plays for the menagerie. The mad chase. I had to fit them together into a story, and it was really hard to wrestle this one together. Much harder than my usual 'inspiration+several hours=story" method. This was almost like I was trying to reconstruct it from someone else's memories, which is part of the reason I went with such an odd narrative style. I's also why I'm so insecure about this one. (Thank you for the feedback, BTW. I very much appreciate it).

Curiously, my other dream-inspired story on the site is also horror. ("The Truth about Lions and Lambs") That was easier to write, but also considerably ickier. I've only ever tried to write two other 'dream' stories ("Fathers and Sons and Devils" and "Tahiti is Still Beautiful") neither of which I've finished. It's *hard* to make a story out of dreams. Way harder than just pulling stuff out of my butt like I normally do. No idea why. Weird.

I actually think Trumpeter is kind of heroic. He's doomed and damned and resigned to it, but he *did* keep the situation from getting much worse, and he did fight like hell against his fate, even after he'd gone nuts. He's defeated, and he's broken, but he's not beaten. I didn't quite realize that until he threw the trumpet in the water, and that's when I fell in love with him.

Anyway: thank you, thank you, thank you for reading it, and for taking the time to give me your impressions. And I'm honored that I was able to make likeable something you generally don't like. You have no idea how cool it is to hear something like that!

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

kelloggs2066
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Ordinarily, I hate horror.

I liked this.

I'm going to have to think about it.
I usually hate, hopeless, everyone dies or is enslaved endings.

But, in my usual tastes, just about anything really needs humor to get me to like it. I'm going to have to ponder this a bit to figure out why I like it when it's so far outside my usual preferences.

It does remind me of a story I read decades ago (Bradbury I think?) of your standard space ship lands and 3 astronauts find a deserted city. In the end, it turns out the city was built by the last survivors of a war with humans thousands and thousands of years ago who vowed revenge. The city captures and vivisects the humans, and reconstructs them to carry a genocidal plague back to Earth. Don't remember anything else.

But, this reminded me of that.

Sorry, this isn't a very well thought out critique, but it's given me food for thought that I haven't digested yet.

21st Century Fox
The Future's So Bright You Gotta Wear Shades
http://techfox.comicgenesis.com/

Republibot 3.0
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Cleopatra

Well, Cleopatra does love a good Bix Bierdebeck piece while she's rending lions, but that's in the Adams place next door. Me, I just sing in the shower.

So didja' like it? Hate it? What?

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

kelloggs2066
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Music

So, R3? Do you play music to your plants?

(I'm guessing your Venus Fly Traps are clacking like castonettes. ;)

21st Century Fox
The Future's So Bright You Gotta Wear Shades
http://techfox.comicgenesis.com/

Republibot 3.0
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Do you?

Do you? Man, that's a relief. More than any other story I've published on the site, this one made me insecure. It's a very different style than I normally do, it's a different kind of story on top of that, I was kind of trying to play people's expectations against them, and the long slow slide from wise-ass glibness to simmering horror was new, too. So I knew what I was going for, but really I wasn't at all sure if I got it or not, or even came close.

No, seriously: hearing "It's a good story" means *a lot* to me with this one. Thank you!

The Artist Formerly Known As Republibot 3.0

Scorpious
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I like

This is wonderfully and masterfully disturbing :-)

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