HOW NOT TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT: Lesson 3: “Conspiracy Theories”

As a rule of thumb, I tend to assume the rule of 3%, which is to say the people who differ from the 'norm' usually statistically fall in to that range. I don't know why. I don't attach a lot of significance to it, it's just a handy number to know: about 3% of the population are homosexual, about 3% of the population will commit a major crime in their lifetimes, about 3% of the population actively believe conspiracy theories, about 3% of the population will have profound mentall illness, etc.

Of course you can't really get accurate numbers because the first thing anyone in these marginal groups does is inflate their numbers in order to seem more important, so, for instance, homosexuals maintain they make up 10% of the population, despite statistical evidence to the contrary, which they ignore saying it's biased. Likewise, the "No moon landing" whackos claim that about 6% of the population are on board with them, which is probably an exaggeration, but probably not by much.

This somewhat-hypothetical 3% number probably represents "All the society can stand:" and if the number goes above that, things get all screwy. It's possible things get all screwy if the number goes below that percentage, too.

I do feel like Discovery Channel and a whole bunch of other outlets are really aching to push up that number, though.

From the ’85 to ’90 I worked for an armored car company in Las Vegas. It was after my divorce so I spent a lot of time with the guys I worked with going to gun shops and getting into shooting competitions put on in said shops. I meet guys that wrote for Solider of Fortune magazine and many people in different gun clubs in southern Nevada. I can tell you there are more people that believe in Conspiracy theories than you might think.

I even had info that was passed to us by the FBI about an area militia group planning to hit our out of town truck. Conspiracy theories can and are dangerous and one of the problems is both major political parties feed into peoples paranoid fantasies if they think it will get them some votes. From the CIA sold crack in LA to Obama was not born in the country both parties say these ideas are nuts by day and fund groups passing this crap at night.

It does not help that the media will at times interview people with crazy ideas like they have something real to say. Or have shows on the history channel about an interesting Conspiracy theory. Now the history channel is cashing in on the doomsday craze it seems every weekend there is a show about 2012 or the anti Christ. And in these shows they repeat every Conspiracy theory on the internet like it could be real.

That was brilliant and heartfelt and poignient and sad and funny.

When I used to live in Florida I worked as a coordinator for the local community access cable station. My job was mainly to teach non-professionals the basics of live-to-tape television production and then help them make their own non-commercial tv shows which would then be shown on the designated community access cable channel.

It was probably my favorite job of all time. In a day of work I would be involved in the morning with the local white supremist group, in the afternoon with the local branch of Jewish Anti-Defamation League, and in the evening with the local group of Black Muslim activists (which is different than the traditional Muslim activist groups...). And everyone would volunteer to help on each others' shows.

And the place was rife with Conspiracy Theorists.

And I loved every minute of it (though I am sure there were some half-minute increments in there that I wasn't too fond of). And part of the fun of the job was spending time with hugely diverse groups of people (both super liberal and super conservative) and discussing conspiracy theories as a fun kind of hobby. But at a certain point all I was doing was getting a front row seat view into the sadness of these peoples' lives and a taste of the fantasy world in which they lived. And I felt bad about it.

That is why I couldn't get more than three chapters through The DaVinci Code, because I heard all of that stuff in Florida in the late 80s and early 90s from people that, though I was very fond of them, all in one way or another had mental issues. And I was gob-smacked by the amount of people that found the whole book premise even vaguely believable (or readable or well written).

Our government can't even keep secret the most mundane of facts shared between two people, how are they going to keep secret anything of import or incriminating once a third person becomes invovled.

Conspiracy theory = cheap ideas for fiction books written by opportunistic bad writers.

What you're saying is that in some ways, a belief in conspiracy theories is a calming, secure influence on people. "Well, the world may not be the way I want it to, but at least someone's minding the store." That's very interesting...the alternative, of course, is that if conspiracies aren't real (And they're not), then everything's just happening at random with no significance, and one is left to find meaning in their own activities or through religion.

As a corollary: A paranoid is always the center of attention in his/her own mind.

So ultimately, we could assume that Conspiracy Theories are a kind of ego defense mechanism to cope with an utterly meaningless, insignificant, sad life. Interesting.

The problem with the truth is it’s not fun and it also does not give you an excuse. Most people that believe in Conspiracy Theories start with the premise of my life sucks because the evil (insert hated group here) is stopping me. People would rather believe in Conspiracy Theories than look at their own short comings.

Also it is scary to some people to think that history just happens with little rime or reason. It scary to think that leaders of nations are just as clueless as the next guy, that wars, starvation and economic collapse happen because governments and leaders don’t have a clue to want they are doing. It is comforting to think that there is a plan for this entire mess even if the people doing the planning are evil and against you.

Look at what is happening now the government is just reacting to events you can tell that they have no plan. There is no end game to the bank bailout or the war or to anything that is happening that is why people are getting pissed. It is a harsh thing to discover that the President and congress are just as clueless as your boss at work. But with a Conspiracy Theory it can make a kind of sense.

One of the reasons for the 9/11 Conspiracy Theories are it’s hard for people to except that the people that did the attacks are barking at the moon nuts. Just look at it here we have a group of people that somehow think that attacking a country that has the most powerful military in human history was a good idea and thought that we would just roll over and give up. It boggles the mind to think that people that crazy could walk around and no one noticed. It is easier for some to think there had to be some sort of conspiracy by the government than to think a bunch of nutjobs half a world away would or could do such a thing. Our intelligence agencies would have to be incompetent for it to happen and people just can’t except that they were incompetent.