EPISODE REVIEW: Warehouse 13: "Age before Beauty" (Season 2 Episode 4)

neorandomizer
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This week we go back to the artifact of the week with a small side plot. SPOILERS There is a fashion show in Milan Italy where an old lady is stopped from bothering the models on the runway and then collapses. Jump to Pete and Myka in a sword fight with some guy in Cardiff Wales (where’s Torchwood?). Pete throws Myka a big rock that the bad guy’s sword goes right through without hurting Myka and Pete hits the guy with a small shield knocking him out. We learn that Myka took fencing lessons as a kid and that they have just recovered Excalibur - oh boy - and after destroying all of Pete’s fantasies about Camelotm Artie asks via Farnsworth for them to make a quick stop in Milan. In Milan we are now doing a CSI episode with the old lady on a slab and the coroner telling our heroes that she had breast implants. Pete shows he is not totally worthless and checks the implants serial numbers on the internet and finds that they belong to a 19 year old Russia model. Back at the Warehouse Myka and Pete are informed that a series of models in different cities have disappeared. They ask if there is an aging artifact and Claudia starts looking on the computer while Artie tells them they are going to New York City for fashion week which thrills Pete. After Myka and Pete exit stage left Artie tries to give Claudia a combined birds and the bees talk with dating advicem which creeps everyone out because Todd from last week keeps texting her. Now in NYC, Myka and Pete are walking into one of those ultra modern all glass offices that I hate, and Pete - seeing all the eye candy - declares this is the best assignment ever. At the receptionists desk Myka and Pete meet a model that Pete gushes over and hits on her making a total tool of himself and the model begs off saying she does not feel well and leaves. Myka and Pete now get dissed by the same model the old woman was bothering in Milan as she leaves the bosses office. Speaking with the boss Myka and Pete are told that the Russian model was keeping to herself because she did not fell well. Pete runs out of the office and catches up to the model he hit on and after some back and forth she collapse into his arms and ages to 90 before Pete’s eyes. Pete speaking to Artie on the Farnsworth is disturbed and Artie tells him to get back into the game and get a blood sample of the model. Pete then speaks with Myka about what they are going to do and hits on an idea he knows Myka won’t like. Pete speaks to the boss lady and he looks up at Myka. Now we get the stupid music of a woman coming down the stares in a hot dress and shock (not really): its Myka all dolled up, she is going undercover as a model. The boss lady takes Myka and Pete to where the models are, Myka is all uncomfortable and when asked if she minds taking her clothes off in front of people she gives Pete a sourer look. Asked why it has to be her Pete tells her he does not have the legs for that dress (haha). Meeting the fashion designer he asks if the new girl is behind the fat girl while he is looking at Myka. Pete is pawned off as Myka’s slavish assistant and then Myka is taken to a photo shoot. We now waste a few minutes with Myka playing fashion model. (She is good looking but I hate her knees.) We see the sniping between some people and Pete remarks this is like a gay version of clue. Now at the Warehouse Claudia is using a long syringe to get a sample out of a test tube while Artie is across the room. Asked why she is doing it Artie says he has a thing about blood. As Claudia is placing the sample in the spectrometer her phone rings and she release the syringe. Artie runs across the room to take her place for now real reason and snarks that it’s Todd which it is. Claudia has a non date date and Artie tells her to be herself as he sends her off. Myka in a nice blue oriental robe is looking her photos from the shoot when a guy comes up behind her and she nocks him to the ground. It’s the Arab guy from BBCA’s Survivors show. He tells her she has a gift and leaves. Pete comes up and has Myka distract the head model that is has a nasty personality and also hated the Russian model so he can search her room. We now get a useless scene of Claudia acting like a dork with Todd before she spills chilli all over him and runs out of the diner in horror. Back to the main event Myka discovers the nasty model is really a nasty person and Pete sees the fashion designers mousy assistant place a golden Buddha on the dressing table of the nasty model. Pete and Myka now make fools out of themselves like every episode to discover that the Buddha has diet pills in it. One red herring down. An old woman is now shown a picture of Myka by a mystery man and she says she is the one. Claudia returns to the Warehouse pouting and Artie does not notice as he imparts to the audience that silver nitrate was found in the models blood and he is stumped. (I know I know.) Claudia now dresses down Artie for telling her to be herself because she's a freakazoid and she grabs a Gibson and starts stemming it as Artie is lost for words. In New York Pete comes in to find Myka in her dress for the show and is overwhelmed and almost forgets to tell her he does not want her to go out on stage because he has one of his bad feelings. Myka now bears her self doubt and petty because she is not the pretty one. Pete tells her what a beautiful woman she is. (This is turning into one of those very special episodes.) She leaves the room determined to go on stage. Myka goes on stage and nocks them dead (please). We see the Arab guy with the group of photographers and Myka sees the old woman that was looking at her picture. While Myka is on stage the nasty model stands next to Pete complains that Myka got the hot dress of the show. Pete super detective now braces the stereotypical light-in-Loafers fashion designer. Pete forces him to admit that he gave the dress to the new girl because the nasty model and he started together and once were friends but now she treats him like dirt red herring two down. Myka now jazzed that she did the runway tells Pete about the old lady in the audience. They go and check but they see that she is gone. We see the photographer from her photo shoot slink away. We at a flash and then see the old lady posing for a portrait then a half seen man brings her a laptop and she transfers ether 10,000 or 10 million (my eyes are not so good) dollars to an account. Now we see the hands of the unknown man using an enlarger and developing two prints one of the old lady and one of Myka. The print of the old lady turns young as Myka’s ages. Now Myka is talking to Pete when she swoons and ages in Pete’s arms. In a hospital room we see Pete with Myka and Claudia and Artie coming down the hall. Artie can not enter the room and after a bad old joke from Myka, Pete goes to ask Artie what now and gives him a sample of Myka’s blood. Artie is informing everyone that Myka has silver nitrate in her blood and Pete once again shows he is not as stupid as we think and tells Artie that it’s used in old style photography. Artie grabs Claudia’s laptop from her and does a search for Manray a guy that did surrealistic photos in the '30s and he heard that his camera might be an artifact. Claudia now with her laptop shows everyone the security footage of the fashion show and we see the Arab guy. A closed door and a knock, the door is opened by Arab guy and Claudia asks a dumb question and then Pete comes in with his Tesla ready. Pete beats on the guy for a few and Claudia stops him. The baddy now tells use how Manny’s camera works, superimpose the young over the old and voila they switch ages. The bad guy now throws a lighter into the developer and we get a small boom and a fire and a cliffhanger of Artie on fire again. Back in Myka’s hospital room Artie is with her and Myka jokes ‘young man you need to be more careful’. She then starts to do a death bed speech which Pete stops and tells her not to do that because he has not given up and she should not. They discuss what to do next and they decide they need to find the evil photographer and then the old now young woman. Claudia checking the bad guy’s bank account says he has been sending flowers to someone a lot. Myka remembers the nasty model getting flowers from someone she does not like. Claudia asks what if they can not find the woman should they just age a bad guy to save Myka. Pete leaves to find the baddie. The evil photographer is telling the nasty model of his undying love and he did it all for her. She freaks and is saved by Pete tackling the evil guy but loses his Tesla. The baddie picks up the Tesla and then there is a flash and we learn that Artie had figured out that the baddie knew Man Ray and had used the camera to stay young. The Bad guy ages to 90 and says back again. At the hospital a now young again Myka is getting dressed and everyone is happy. The show ends at the diner with Artie telling Claudia that he is sorry he is not a better father figure and then Todd walks in.

Observations:

This episode was OK, if uninspired; and I found none of the jokes funny. The whole fashion show bit was all stereotypes with nothing to make it that fun. The Claudia love interest was just a waste of time. They have fallen into the same rut that most mystery shows do, the guest star is the bad guy even if it is just an actor from an unpopular show on BBCA. The writing is better than last season’s and the episodes do hold together better but they are picking the low hanging fruit and not going for an artifact that is not obvious. I knew it was a camera the minute they said silver nitrate. (6 years of photography and graphic arts in junior and senior high school finally pay off) SyFy claims this is there number one show which is kind of sad because even reruns of Doctor Who would be more enjoyable. The show is an alright way to waste an hour if nothing else is on which is the case right now.

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