The Tick

RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: What have We Learned?

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Since I've been working on "B5" reviews for such a long time, it's been a while since we've actually *finished* a series. When we do finish one, however, we like to do a little overview, reflecting on the series as a whole, and deciding what we think of it, good or bad, reflecting on its many merits or weak spots. It's a time for introspection and judicious artistic criticism. Usually. In this case, though, the show just sucks so there's no need for that.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “The Big Leagues” (Episode 9, or possibly 7)

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Tick and Arthur are invited to join The Superhero League, which upsets Captain Liberty since they only accept white dudes. (And Arthur, who’s Jewish, yet surprisingly that doesn’t come up in this episode). The League is run by “The Champion,” a not-particularly-well-cast Superman type. Meanwhile, Cap decides to sue the League for discrimination, and ends up hiring a lawyer who is, in fact, the secret identity of The Champion. Hilarity utterly fails to ensue.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “The Tick Vs. Justice” (Episode 8, or possibly 7)

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Ok: bored now. Officially bored now.

PLAY BY PLAY

Batmanuel gets in a minor fenderbender in a parking garage. The other car is being driven by a super villain named “Destroyo,” and the impact pops his trunk revealing nerve gas, an atomic bomb, and “Some really strong rope.” He’s immediately arrested.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “The Funeral” (Episode 7, or possibly 4)

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A superhero called “The Immortal” is coming through The City on a book-signing tour. He’s evidently this version of the Tickiverse’s version of Superman. (In the Comics and the Cartoon, the Seldom-seen Superman Parody is called “The Cape,” and his real name is “Clark Oppenheimer,” and he’s much more straightforward than the TV iteration). Everyone is in awe of The Immortal, including Arthur who, as a much younger guy, camped outside a hotel to get his autograph.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “Couples” (Episode 6, or possibly 3)

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The Tick and Arthur are on patrol, beating down some petty thief. The bad guy almost gets away, but is intercepted by another superhero team: “Fiery Blaze” and his (Very gay) sidekick, “Friendly Fire.” (Best. Sidekick. Name. Ever.) They do some surprisingly effectual Batman/Robin stuff on the bad guy, and function as a well-oiled (Ambiguously gay) team, impressing the heck out of Tick and Arthur. Blaze is very much the one in charge, and says things like “Nobody was talking to you” whenever Friendly says anything. Blaze invites Tick and Arthur out to dinner.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “Arthur Needs Space” (Episode 5, or possibly 5)

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Arthur is at the Happy Panda or someplace equally inconsequential when he sees Mindy Waxman, a girl he loved in high school who didn’t know he was alive. The only time she talked to him in 4 years was when she hit him with her car. “I threw up, I was so happy.” She comes over and talks to him, and it turns out she’s got a thing for superheroes, so she’s immediately hot for Arthurs’ chubby bod. Arthur is elated and terrified (He’s such a nebbish!) and quickly realizes she’s only into him for the costume, not because of who he is.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “The License” (Episode 4)

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Maybe it’s just the week I’m having (Spent most of the last 2 days in the hospital) or maybe it’s just that I’ve also been watching “Running Wilde,” a similarly dead-before-it-hit-the-air, which inevitably and unfairly makes me compare these 13-and-done series, but I find I’m getting bored by The Tick all over again. Seriously: despite not being SF at all, if you have the choice between watching two dead series you don’t give a crap about, go with Running Wilde.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “Arthur Interrupted” (Episode 3, or possibly 8)

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Arthur decides to tell his mom and his sister (“Dot”) about his new “Lifestyle Choice.” They decide he’s crazy, and slap him in a nuthatch run by a guy named “Peacock,” who attempts to cure people of their predilection for Superheroism. It quickly turns out that Mr. Peacock is, himself, a latent superhero, and spends all night in his office trying on his patients’ confiscated costumes. Arthur discovers this, and is thrown into solitary.

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RETROSPECULATIVE TV: The Tick: “The Terror” (Episode 2. Or was it 9?)

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Several astute readers have pointed out that while Liz Vassey is *IN* “The Adventures of Captain Zoom in Outer Space,” the not-at-all-shy-about-showing-off-her-body woman I referred to last week is undoubtedly Gia Carides. In looking at many tasteful-yet-revealing photographs of both women over the last two weeks, I have realized that, yes, I am in error, but I have done the work to fact-check it to make sure I’m not in error about being in error. Sorry to both. I apologize.

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